Sunday, June 30, 2013

What Is Right When Living In The Eternal State of "Good Enough."

We Can't Escape The Melancholy, So Why Try?

At some point "it" actually is good enough, really, but that realization still spurns occasional trouble from the ego. Nothing is ever actually finished, right? Makes my sorry head spin.

It's funny to think that each of us is mining the exact land as our neighbor. Our shared land -the eternal ether- is never harmed through this mining. In fact, people from every land benefit from this excavation and the quarry itself somehow remains untouched after each use. It may even become more full with repeated use, which would not be surprising if found to be true. Each word carved from this 'community mine' shines as brightly as any gem and remains precious as any metal. Yes, I am somewhat limited by immediate vocabulary -as all manners of communicating are limiting to some degree- but every word I could ever choose to use, well, so could you, and vice versa. They exist for us all to enjoy and to use as we deem fit. Similar to selecting personal ingredients for your own dinner, but taken from the collective's shelves and without the allergies that necessitate exclusion.

Regardless of why any of us may write, it always is a pure joy to find the 'right word.' Sometimes it is very close and not much searching is necessary which is another small, but significant joy. Occasionally my word choice conveys the overall thought in an acceptable manner, but the flow or tense is dicey, or the overall meaning still remains open to interpretation. I strive to write clearly and not let it wander into 'clinical'. Might I need to trust my audience a bit more? We all are a smart lot. For me at least, when the 'right' words do come about after some time away, a cig or two, a reread and an edit, I genuinely get excited. Is that crazy?

The situation where one believes something is just right... It exists but also announces and represents that it's predecessor was somehow wrong. Naturally this is easier to apply in a situation where a newer version (of whatever) is being built, designed, or manufactured in some way. Microchips, guitar strings, book binders, air conditioners, story/copy editing, light bulbs, etc. You get the idea, but even the inventor of a thing got that idea from somewhere in his or her brain. Where did those thoughts come from? Lol. 

Does the 'sin' of ego exist if I believe that I got something 'right?' That my decision allowed the existence of something now perceived as 'correct' and 'final', 'without flaw' and 'print worthy', therefore 'perfect'? Am I now a god? The creation of a perfect thing is not a small task - surely that fact must speak to some truth or another? Now, as that quasi god, I judge something as 'complete'. A finished and finite product. To your editor: "I am done with this article, please publish it," and after the necessary back and forth, it is live. Deemed finished, by not just me but blessed by another, a witness. 

Orange bathroom door being painted on a table.
One final coat and was "done." Was it enough? Too much?

Although we all share these words, some people recognizably posses a different understanding of their placement and usage. This 'thing' is partially why (some) big name authors continuously put out quality work, content occasionally aside. This 'thing' is partially why a perceived "no one" scores big with a first book. This 'thing' is partially why classics are identified and revered as such. This 'thing' is partially why I decided to explore the art of writing. Can I find it? Can this powerful connection and usage of words be nurtured, developed, and drawn upon? 

Yes, content and story matter, no question -fiction or non. Seems now though, that in the morning -after all the nasty is done- word choice, syntax, and flow seem to stay for scrambled eggs and whole wheat toast. Yet, I am but a baby in this world of words, so please take these current choices with a grain of salt.

Words are powerful. They paint very vivid pictures, speak loudly, convey messages of truth and messages of lies, all in the (almost completely futile) attempt to clearly represent their author's state of mind when written - but only as directed. As the author, I am now solely responsible for any misrepresentations or cloudy messages my words present to the reader. Fair enough, but dig this: 

without access to a truly limitless vocabulary, the exactness of a particular word's definition becomes slightly less exact. 

Clouds, treetops, bright sunlight being blocked by the clouds.
Cloudy definition, just hiding the true light. 

Perhaps, the only word that has not yet been invented (or yet needed, I suppose) is the exact one necessary to remove all semblance of doubt from the definitions and combination of the other's. You may also understand that the communication of any absolute meaning through words is then rendered impossible before we even turn on a computer, pick up a pen, or open our mouth to speak. Because forced approximation of a word's literal definition exists solely due to the finite number of words and their respective understandings available to the audience, everything that follows is a lie. A white lie I can not control, but living inside this paradox is occasionally frustrating and confusing. Since the idea of removing words' collective existence in exchange for a universal -but nonverbal- dialog is melancholy at best, I now trust the approximations. 

Words do make me smile. These smiles are a direct result of the joy I find in arranging and ordering our beloved shared commodities. Your words. My words. Single words. Strings of them. Two or even four or more together, separated by a comma, period, or a paragraph even.

Thanks for reading.


Thursday, June 20, 2013

Published Articles, Links and YouTube videos As A Resume Of Sorts.

I remain in an embryonic state. The words flow, yet I am but a developing fetus suspended in an alphabet pool. 

Cigarettes, ginger ale, boston baked bean crumbs, a pen, yellow lined paper.
Tools of the trade. 

Rapid Growth Media

"Home Health to Public Health"11/29/2012
Explaining the link between a healthy home life and overall pubic health. Turns out it's totally true!

"Grand Rapids Bicycle Company and Trailhead Cafe" 08/02/2012
A new store opened by local businessman Tom Smith and his family. Has since expanded to East Grand Rapids.

The Good Men Project

"Everything in Prison is 'Gay' - On Language and Intolerance" 01/30/2013
"All along I knew what I was doing was wrong, and therein still lies the problem. "

Many years spent in the Michigan Department of Corrections forced empathy from my mind. My confusion manifested and turned me into a bigot- hating myself as well. Getting your physical body released from confinement does not equal freedom.

The Rapidian - Articles & Photos

"PechaKucha to Visit Stella's on Devil's Night10/24/2012
PechaKucha Night was devised in Tokyo in 2003 as an event for young designers to meet, network and show their work in public. It has turned into a massive celebration with events happening all over the world. Drawing its name from the Japanese term for "chit chat", it rests on a presentation format based on a simple idea: 20 images x 20 seconds. My PechaKucha presentation from Devil's Night can be seen here, or you can click the photo's caption.

Click Here for the Video!

The Rapidian continued...
The Stimuli Don't Lie.
"Manasseh Project educates community on local human trafficking" 10/03/2012 
Are people disappearing from the streets of Grand Rapids? >>>

"Eastown Street Fair celebrates diverse, quality community offerings" 09/25/2012
The 39th annual event delivered great live music, amazing food and unique wares, all adding to an already fantastic day in the sun.

"The People's Crisis documentary outlines horrors of North Korean government" 04/10/2012
Liberty in North Korea (LiNK) travels the country spreading the word about political and religious persecution in North Korea. Hosted by Mutually Human in Grand Rapids.

"La Soga Screens at Third Annual Latin American Film Festival04/09/2012
Manny Perez, actor, screenwriter and director visits Wealthy Theatre in Grand Rapids.

"Senseless Killing of Trayvon Martin Resonates in Grand Rapids04/04/2012
When Martin was killed on Feb. 26th, the country cried out. Local residents marched and gathered at Rosa Parks Circle

Until Love is Equal pin on an abandoned scarf.
Until Love is Equal

Photos published on The Rapidian:

Flower of Life 10/13/2012
Abandoned Yet True 08/26/2012   >>>>
West Michigan Pride 06/21/2011
Backyard 01/25/11
Brick throwers in Eastown 01/21/11

The Rapidian was launched in September 2009 by Grand Rapids Community Media Center and grants from the Grand Rapids Community Foundation, Amway and other local businesses. A self-proclaimed "hyper-local news source," The Rapidian's content largely comes from 'citizen journalists' who are matched with a mentor after getting a bit of training. The Rapidian accepts unsolicited articles from anyone, as long as they habe gone through the small bit of training necessary. Pretty darn cool.

Get Lusty For Couples

Yummy yummy, or gross in your Tummy?

Are you wasting your semen? Shame on you! Lol. Suggestions for alternate use, and a little bit about the Cold War. Semen and spies!

"Location, location, location. How about affiliation?" 08/22/2012
Sometimes it is all about location. How do your local team's affect where you live?

"Chicago by the numbers. You gotta love this place..." 09/27/2012
City details, population info and other numerical facts about the wonderful city of Chicago.

"Why great sex revitalizes our sex drive and leaves us wanting more" 03/22/2012
Don't we love the feeling in the lower part of our bodies that lingers the next day after amazing sex? The almost necessary desire for more, like NOW please?

Vampire sexy lips bloody.
Seductive, no?

Although there can be a taboo associated with writing about sex, I believe exploration results in healthy discussion. 

Breaking down barriers one sexy word at a time. 

Shedding shame and guilt equals freedom of expression and allows for an enjoyment of some very fun times. Open discussion helps feed the give and lessens the take.

A Random Few YouTube Videos:

#1. Free Health Care! Sacred Geometry. Fluoride. Answers. Devil's Night 2012. PechaKucha, Grand Rapids.


Sunday, June 16, 2013

Song Lyrics. Feel Free To Steal Them. "Your Misery"


Every time I step out and take a look around
Every time you can't be found I see you on the ground.
All the times you need someone you'd call me and I'd run
All the time you're falling down and feeling like there's no one.

You know I'll be the one who picks you up and helps you through
You know that's what I always do, the only thing that's true.
Think about the time we had before I went away
Think about the talk that day and how I couldn't say

There are all these things I should have said
Now look at it all hanging between us.
Why don't you snap out of your misery
Let's start it all over again

I wonder how things could have been if we'd really done it right
I wonder if tonight's the night and is the end in sight.
Come away with me and take a moment to pretend
Come away with me my friend, we'll take it to the end.

I wish you could explain to me how time has passed you by
I wish you now could tell my why your head is full of lies.
Don't you dare forget that this goodbye leaves you alone
Don't you dare and sit there feeling sorry, getting stoned.

There are all these things I should have said
Now look at it all hanging between us.
Why don't you snap out of your misery
Let's start it all over again. x2

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Chase Bank Is THE Problem As Consumers Energy Is THE Problem, As I Am THE Problem.

June 1st is rent day. No problem, as it comes around each month about this time. A humbling feeling came about as I walked to Chase bank to retrieve my reward for my last number of hours at FSC. Knowing a large percentage of a recent deposit would now be 'undeposited,' the humbling combined with melancholy and a strange space came into existence from their coupling.

The teller asked if I had any big plans for the weekend. S.O.P., and a perfectly reasonable question. Fair and balanced, like Fox News. Honest even, demanding an honest answer.

"I am paying rent and counting pennies this weekend," I said as I signed the withdrawal slip.

Her smile disappeared rather suddenly as I met her gaze. I wasn't making a joke, just answering a direct question with a direct answer, but without the social tact that should be associated with a non-personal, personal interaction.

My head raged. Inside I boiled, my mind hearing my coice as clearly and loudly as if I had shouted at the top of my lungs.

"Lady, you are the problem!" my mind shouted.

More noise from up top: "I am the problem!" "My money is used for your needs, yet I continue to give and give." "What do I get? What should I get? What should I do? Whatever is there to do?"

Picking battles is much more difficult than picking a shirt for the day.



Saturday, June 1, 2013

A Video Of Some Things That Happend In my Reality.

All these random videos I take seem to be adding up. Although I like video editing and putting cool things together, this is pretty nonsensical. Just wanted to get it posted and share some of the weird things I have recorded. No internet at home stinks, so I somewhat rushed it. Been forever since I posted anything. Who knows why? Who knows who reads this stuff? I still can not figure it out...

Whatever. Its something, and that is something.

Be good to yourself. Love your company. Forget your differences.